Generational Sins and Blessings
Sometimes dealing with broken situations is really difficult for me because the messiness that comes with them is taxing, and the hope of the light at the end of the tunnel easily becomes faint.
While the Lord has healed much of the brokenness in my family, there is still a long road to go. During the season leading up to Benson’s and my wedding we were dealing heavily with the effects of the brokenness in each of our families. It was extremely hard and often filled me with anxiety and stress.
I’ve spent the last 10 years cleaning up the trail left by my dad’s sinful affair. If any of you have experienced the loss of a parent in some form or another (for me it was the loss of a parent in the nucleus of our family), you know how heavy the burden is when family member roles get shifted. I’ve lived with the weight of taking care of both my mom and my brother and have spent almost half of my life worrying about my mom being lonely. If you’ve been in a situation like this, you know the guilt that comes with moving away from home…and how much stronger is that guilt when you get married.
Benson’s family has a similar story, though the breaking is actually far from being done there. Nevertheless, we both feel strong obligations to our moms and acutely feel the weight of having to pick up the slack that our dads have left.
Maybe you can imagine how hard it was to think of having to “leave” my family and “cleave” to my new husband. I even wondered how God could be so cruel and ask me to leave my family. But my wondering shortly turned to bitterness by the thought that “leaving and cleaving” was only meant for healthy families, the kind of families God intended in a sinless world. What about families that are horribly broken? What about those? How the hell are you supposed to feel okay about leaving those?
Before our wedding some friends prayed over us something so beautiful that I need to write about it so I always remember it. First, someone prayed that Benson’s and my relationship would be the end of generational sin in our family lines. Generational sin is a sin that’s passed on from generation to generation. In my family it’s bitterness. Look closely at my family and you’ll find that through out our bloodline everyone struggles with bitterness. Kind of crazy. In Benson’s family, it’s unfortunately broken marriages. I guess it’s interesting to note…and maybe you could start paying attention to generational sins so that you can be aware of the sin that’s in your family line and let God put an end to it.
Anyway, I love the idea of our union being the end of generational sin.
What was even more beautiful to me, though, was that after the person prayed for the end of generational sin they declared that our relationship would be the beginning of generational spiritual blessings. When they prayed that I felt a renewal of hope and an excitement for leaving and cleaving. Leaving and cleaving now seemed like a redemptive opportunity to pass on a legacy of spiritual blessing and further redemption for all the crap and brokenness we’ve had to go through…and are still going through. I love the idea that our relationship will not only be the end of much generational sin but that it is the beginning of a legacy of blessing. It’s not just that all the crappy weeds get pulled out of the garden, but the garden can produce beautiful flowers and strong, healthy, fruitful trees as well. We have a chance to turn things around, not just momentarily for our own family’s current brokenness, but also for the generations after us. How great is the Lord.
I love that the Lord can redeem things even when they look like dead ends. He can end generations of sinful habits, and he also allows a time for renewal and experiencing the fullness of the abundant life he gives, just like he intended. The work of the Lord is so, so beautiful.
Jesus in the Ordinary
For at least the last 5 months the Lord has had me in a season of finding him in the ordinary.
I used to find Jesus kind of strange and rather silly when I read how He interacted with his disciples after his crucifixion and resurrection. Several times Jesus would sort of surprise them or nonchalantly walk up behind them and join their conversation as if nothing happened. If I were Jesus, I’d be like “LOOK! I’M ALIVE!!!” But Jesus doesn’t ever do that, and I always thought that was weird and kind of funny of him.
Back in May I was at a spiritual formation retreat with fellow InterVarsity staff and we studied Luke 24:13-35. Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.
It’s weird to me that they couldn’t recognize Jesus though they were just talking about him. I have to think Jesus wasn’t in disguise or playing games with them. I’d like to think of Jesus as silly, because I think that’s fun, but there’s really probably some deep spiritual meaning behind why he pops up to his people as if it ain’t no thang…
And there is.
We talked about how Jesus often likes to meet us in the ordinary, but if we’re not looking for him there, we’ll miss him. That is so telling of our humble King, isn’t it?
It was an incredible confirmation for me about what I felt the Lord was teaching me–to find him in the ordinary. The truth is that most of life is ordinary. We breathe, study, go to work, take showers and brush our teeth (hopefully), eat meals, wash dishes, talk with friends, and have very ordinary experiences most of the time. Actually, considering how much of our lives consist of ordinary things I’m glad Jesus likes to meet us in the ordinary because otherwise we may not see much of him. Then again, if we miss him in the ordinary we won’t see much of him either.
I feel like I’m on a treasure hunt. It’s amazing to me that the two men on their journey to Emmaus didn’t recognize Jesus, whom they were just discussing. How difficult it is to find Jesus in the ordinary. But to my frustration this is what the Lord is teaching me. I felt as though God said to me, “Audrey, you’ve learned to worship me and find me in the fullest of times when my presence has been strong and forward, and you’ve learned to worship me and find me in the desolate desert, but now it’s time to find me in the ordinary.” Unforunately, I also felt like God was telling me that this season wouldn’t end until I truly learned to see him in those places.
It’s been 5 months, and it’s been boring to be quite honest. Mostly because I haven’t been trying very hard. The ordinary is…ordinary. Mundane, even. For me it takes discipline and reflection to recognize the Lord in the mundane…discipline that I’ve been avoiding, which is why it’s been 5 months with little to show for it. There’s an exercise that is helpful called the Daily Examen that I’m supposed to be doing, but DANG I just want excitement!! I like when God just smacks me in the face! And mostly, I don’t like to have to work for it. haha. However, I know that 1) God will be faithful to not take me out of this season until I’ve learned what he’s trying to teach me, and 2) once it becomes second nature to see God in the ordinary my relationship with God will grow to new depths that I couldn’t have otherwise gotten to.
So, here’s to the ordinary. If anyone wants to practice it with me this is the Daily Examen…
The Daily Examen
The goal is to see how the events of the day have made an impression on you. What touched you? What stirred your emotions? What created a sense of conviction or resolve, doubt or fear, hope or gratitude? Then, where was Jesus for you in that experience?
- What happened today that moved me towards God?
- What happened today that moved me away from God?
Practice Exercise
Reflect back over the day since the time you woke up. Note anything that made an impression on you during the day. (stirred emotions, etc.)
Which of those things that touched you moved you towards God? or caused you to cry out for help, give thanks, experience a sense of awe or talk to Him?
Which of those things moved you away from God? Or caused you to doubt, turn away, give into temptation, and distract you from paying attention?
As I’m learning to live life with Jesus I see that the ordinary is what the majority of life consists of, so if I hope to live life with Jesus for a while I’d better learn to find him in the ordinary.
